GWAR are telling their fans to shove it up their ass. The extraterrestrial shock-metal punks have been pushing the buttons of what's acceptable in civil society for over 30 years, but for the first time ever, GWAR are giving Scumdogs the opportunity to experience their antics in the bedroom — specifically, their orifice(s) of choice.
To commemorate the Cuttlefish of Cthulhu — the mighty, anthropomorphic schlong of their deceased leader, Oderus Urungus — the band have teamed with sex toy company Bad Dragon to launch a real-life, functional dildo that's shaped just like the honorable crotch critter.
No, this isn't a bit. GWAR are literally selling a giant, rubber cock with the Cuttlefish of Cthulhu's beady little eyes on the head of the appendage, and two brainy, wrinkly testicles at the base of the unit. It actually comes in three different colors and four different sizes, ranging from seven-and-a-half inches to a whopping 15-and-a-quarter inches in length.
"GWAR recently seized control of the red-hot phallic forges deep in the Bad Dragon lair, where legendary sex-smiths work day and night to create the highest-quality fantasy-themed adult toys in the business," the band wrote in a description of this majestic new merch item. "The result is a new monster dong for the denizens of planet Earth. Now, you too can wield the awesome power of the winged wiener of Oderus Urungus, the Cuttlefish of Cthulu!"
See photos of the fishy phallus below and dick — er, pick — yours up here.
